Best friends forever?

Like I said in my last post, this friend and I had a lot of scars left from a war that was never won or lost. We both had just surrendered. But now, I guess you could say that battle was lost. Her and I are not friends anymore.

Now, I don't want to go into details into why that happened but all I can say is that I've felt really alone lately. Yeah, I know. I have a lot of friends but no matter how many friends you have, when you give a HUGE part of yourself to someone and they just throw that back in your face, you kind of just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I've cried. A lot more than I thought I would.

Seeing her at school has been the hardest part for me. She glares at me and it seems that a lot of people are. Oh, and the part that hurts the most is that she talks to the one person who really hurt me. The worst part is when she is with him and she sees me, she gives me a huge smirk. That makes me just think, Ow...

She seems to not be able to leave my thoughts. Everyday I just sit and think about all of really fun memories and I just cry.. It hurts more everyday. Sunday will be the anniversary of our friendship being over. I can do this. I was fine without her and I will be fine now.

I have so many great friends surrounding me. Constantly reminding me that they are there for me, and right that's all I need. A simple smile or a friendly gesture. That makes my day, it reminds me how lucky I am.

I know that sometimes life gets hard, I promise I know but all you have to do is smile. It gets better. I'm living proof it does.

A smile is the best kind of revenge,

Dreamer of Rainbows

Woah..

I don't know where to begin. This summer has been a tough one. I came to my mom's and pretty much lived on Facebook. It's been pretty boring and Facebook has cause a lot of problems for me.

Why has it been tough?

Let's see, I finally stood up for myself but me being me, I retreated and sucked it up again. I could say that it was a mistake or I could say that it was a learning experience. It was really a learning experience for me. I realized I'm a chicken and that I can't stand up for myself. I almost lost one of my best friends, it was hard. I cried. Then we just pretended everything was okay but it wasn't. There were scars there, that weren't fixed. I think her and I are both bruised but we both are trying to pretend that everything is okay. Just like the quote, "Fake it till you make it." I'm gonna fake it till I make it. Right now, I'm trying to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong. I think it's working pretty good.

Also, some health problems have come up. I'm having really bad joint problems and I'm only fourteen. That's not good. And, I'm having some skin problems that might have something to do with some auto-immune problems. Or it could just be a birth mark, I don't really know.

Hmm, and I got my heart broken twice. By the same person. This person is a jerk. No matter how hard I try to pretend that I'm okay and that it didn't hurt, it hurts a lot. But he is not going to hold me down. I'm gonna grow up and just laugh at him because I didn't deserve anything he said to me. I was pretty much just a punching bag for his words. I guess it just made me realize how important my friends are. So, where I am now is where I should of been a month ago. Single and loving it.

That's what I am now. No more boys. He opened my eyes to what they can do to your mind being. My world came crashing down, but I recovered and I realized I don't need boys.

Before you say I love you, realize who the person is not just who they are to you. Make sure they treat your friends right, the person I loved didn't treat my friends right. And that wasn't right. Put your friends first. They are important. I don't know what I would do if I lost my friends.

I would probably die,

Dreamer of Rainbows.

Where do I begin?

Wow.. where do I begin? School's out for summer. Yay! It was a great year. I loved eighth grade. I met a guy. I fell. But I also fell out, kinda. I made some awesome new friends. And I became who I am today.
Let's talk about school. I made A.P. Human Geography for next year. I'm in two math classes and in all honors classes. Yeah, I'm a nerd who is going to have no social life next year. But I'm excited. I'm ready to be challenged. I made some amazing things in sewing. I loved sewing, it was probably one of my favorite classes. The teacher was horrid, but the people in were amazing.
I made a new bestest-est friend. Her name is Taylor. She's amazing, I love her guts. I got closer to my other bestest-est friends, Kylie and Eliza. I have the most amazing best friends, be jealous.
Now, about this guy. Where do I begin? He's amazing but everything went sour a couple weeks ago. Nobody is to blame. We are fourteen for goodness sakes, things don't last. I guess heartache is horrible, but so is being lied to and led on. So which one do you choose? I choose heartache. I would rather be told the truth and hurt, instead of being filled with false hopes and be happy.
Everything has to end. There is no getting around it. We are going to die one day, so we are going to end too.
I'm okay. I'm doing okay. I'm still broken. But you know what? I'm gonna follow my own advice and I'm gonna be happy.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love everything about them. Now, I just need to learn to smile more. I don't need people to think I'm broken over a stupid boy.
Next year is going to be great. I'm gonna have great friends at my side and a great family to support me. I couldn't ask for more.

Everyone be happy. We all have someone to live for.

I know I do,
Dreamer of Rainbows

Justin Bieber. The name that makes girls heart swoon.

Justin Bieber. Oh my. The new teenage phenomenon who makes teenage girls heart swoon. Maybe boys too. Who knows.. Well, back to my point. Today I learned that Justin Bieber is now so popular that Glee made an episode about him. I will say though that it was the best episode yet. Mr. Bieber, I will say he is not unattractive, I like them nerdy, and he is as far away from nerdy as you can get, well anyways. Most girls think he is the hottest boy on the market right now. I am done now talking about his looks but his music. Not bad. Never Say Never, Somebody to Love, Baby, One Time, One Less Lonely Girl, and now my brain blanks. This is just showing that I can name all of these off the top of my head and I am not a crazed fan. Now I wonder how many songs the crazed fans know. Who knows?? They do.

The thing that I find the most funny is the craze on his new movie. Even Connor wants to see it. Something is wrong with this picture. My brother wants to see a movie about a sixteen year old kid. Well, anyways. I do want to see the movie, it's not that I love him or that I would eat him if I could. It is more that I can say, I saw Never Say Never. That would be an accomplishment. People today say that Justin Bieber is the sexiest man alive. Or whatever. People who know I dislike will come and whisper in my ear, "Justin Bieber." Even today in my spanish class, we were Team JB. (Justin Bieber.) We won. I would have to say he gave me luck to acomplish winning today.

People love Justin Bieber. Simple as that. Maybe one day, deep down I will find that love. It seems that everyone deep down does. Even a little bit. Justin Bieber can't sing live. The Grammy's as my example of this. Usher can't sing live. Also Grammys. Whatever. He is famous. I mean really famous.

Crazed fans, heartsick teenagers, and top selling CDs. He even has a sickness named after him. Bieber Fever. Whoever thought of that was and is a genius.

One name was all it took. Justin Bieber.

Never Say Never,

Dreamer of Rainbows

Single Awareness Day. Boo Hoo.

Today another day went by, but it was a special one. Valentine's Day. Now as I said earlier, I do agree that love can not be found in junior high. But I might admit that I might be a little, I mean a tidbit sad, that I didn't get a Valentine. Now that doesn't mean I will go and cry my eyes out. I will not go and post it on Facebook, but what I will do is send myself a Valentine. No, I am just kidding. I will tell myself that I am too good for anyone. Or I scare them away. Either way, I win.

But what made my day was the Valentine's I got from my friends. A spider man and X-men one

My favorite. Yes, I am that nerdy. But what made this day annoying was some of the sad looks

on people's faces. Whoopdee do, some teenage boy didn't send you a Valentine.

The thing that sealed the day though, is how when I get home my baby, Aubrey is crawling her

booty over to me. Yes, that seals the day. Well, this post is a shortie but a goodie.

The inspirational tidbit is short so be prepared.

Life sucks. I'm tired of people saying it will get better. It doesn't.

Well, on it's own it doesn't. Try hard. Don't give up. You're awesome.

I'm awesome,

Dreamer of Rainbows

Love. What a small word, for such a big meaning.

Wow! How has life changed lately.. I mean Aubrey has turned one. I am almost fourteen, it's like poof. Life is just moving so quickly I can't even catch my breath at times. It seems to me that the older I get the less friends I have. Or is it only me? It might just be me. I know, I know. I really suck at updating these things, but I hope for those who read it, enjoy it and miss it. Let me look and see some interesting things that has happened to me lately.

In December, I went to Houston to visit my Mom for the first time. No, it wasn't my first time meeting her. Just my first time seeing her new place. My, oh, my, Aubrey turned one. The big one. It seemed to me that she was born yesterday, not that I would want to repeat those horrific events. Let us see. I fell for a boy I didn't even know. I got over him. I got addicted to Halo, which I am pretty much over but that won't probably last long.

I cried, I laughed, I sang a song, and of course I danced like a creepy old lady. I got diagnosed with PatelloFemoral Pain Syndrome which is a long word for misaligned knee cap which causes me pain. I sold a Prom Dress and I sold a Wedding Dress. Yes, I, Claire Harkness Walker, the shy timid girl who seems to never have any friends, sold a wedding dress. With the help of my dad of course. (The Master.) I ate a cookie, with Dutch chocolate in, which made my heart sing. I got Glee Karaoke, which makes me sing with all my heart and then me being a Facebook addict, I posted a video of me playing the game singing, I guess I have no shame.

Facebook. One simple word. A word that makes me get on the computer when I get home, and word that makes me not get my homework done. That single word has made my life, sometimes very hard to live with. But as always, there are negative sides to everything. I hate how people are super young and write about lovey dovey stuff, when they don't even know what true love is. Sometimes you never find out what it is, that is a concept which is hard for me to grasp. I love the aspect of falling in love though. I want him to look at me and smile. That's all I want. I want to be happy, nothing else. I learned from people I know. Don't rush into things, don't do the Mormon engagment where you are only engaged for a little bit, only dating for a little bit.

Well, I am almost fourteen. A year older. Wow, time has flown by. It will be six years that I have lived with my dad. I can't even imagine Life As I Know It without him. Well, to follow with the theme of tomorrow. Which by the way is Valentine's Day. I will do my usual inspirational tidbit.

Love isn't something you just rush into. It isn't something you earn in junior high or maybe even high school. Love is that you know the person inside and out, not just one side of them like maybe a friend would. You know every thing, I mean everything about them. Please be happy, that's all I want for everyone. I wish that everyone in this world knew that someone out there can't go to sleep that night because they are thinking about them. Love everyone, don't judge. I know everyone has told you that, everyone has told ME that but sometimes I slip up. If you see someone hurting help them, killing yourself is not the answer. Someone out there loves you.

I love you,

Dreamer of Rainbows

Long Weeks Behind Me

Well, you know that I seem to never be able to hang out on Saturdays until late at night and then for only an hour or two but it's worth it, I guess. I've been pretty busy these past couple weeks, so for all of those that missed me I'm still alive. Well, I've been officially called by U.S. History teacher his Star Child. I don't know if that is creepy or not. Then being piled with homework that I don't understand or that having the troublesome life of a teenager has made these past weeks long. But I don't want to trouble you guys with my "troublesome" life. I have currently finished the Luxe series and now I am reading "Beautiful Creatures." Weather here in Utah is cold and drabby but inside I am feeling warm and fuzzy which can be equilavent to after you drink a mug of Hot Chocolate.

Currently I am working at my dad's store and getting ready to do his thing. It seems that one day I am going to one day own this place. I don't know if I should be happy or kind of stressed about it. Can I handle scary brides?? Haha, well I guess the older I get then the more I will be able to deal with them. Wish me luck.

It seems that I have grown an inch in these past 3 months which now makes me about 5' 9". So I am guessing that means that I am tall which means jeans getting shorter, sleeves getting shorter, and shoes getting smaller. But you know what Life as I know it seems to getting better. I seem to know myself more and my boundaries, I am me and not anyone elses vision of me.

Here are some funny things this week though, I have 3 husbands who don't even know me. Bwhahaha. That's what me and my friends joke about. Is something wrong this picture when I am still a kid? Don't worry family, I am only joking. Or am I? Well, I guess it's time for me to end with my inspirational thought of the day. Isn't it? Here it goes: (this is from me and not from anyone else.)

Time to find yourself. Don't listen to other people or care about what boys or girls like you. You are you. Don't let anyone change that but if you have a bad attitude, go serve someone. I know that that helps me alot. Day after day I think about the help my grandparents have given me. It could even be a stranger. So don't give up, please don't. You are worth something, everyone one of you!!

Over and out,
Dreamer of Rainbows